Somebody Has A Case of the Mondays

So I roll into work today totally bummed out because it's baseball opening day and I had to miss all the games. I guess my boss picked up on the fact that my mind was elsewhere when he saw me checking my fantasy team and he got all cheesed off and said I needed to focus on my work. And I was like, "I am focused" and he was like, "Obviously you aren't Timmy." And then I was all "I'm sorry it won't happen again."

It felt terrible, having to stop looking at my squad just to appease my boss. In a perfect world I wouldn't need to relent to dumb idiots like my boss and I could watch my team whenever I wanted. I wish I could have stood up to him and said what was really on my mind. As soon as our conversation ended I felt upset and empty inside. I needed to get my mind off of what had just gone down so I put on my ipod and wondered what I should have said instead of backing down.

And that's when my ipod turned on and it hit me. An old classic began to play and I realized that I should have done exactly what this song was saying. The song is "Boss" by Rick Ross and it's message is to let people who stand in your way know that you are better than them and that you won't ever back down. I should have told my scrooge of a boss,

"I'm the biggest boss that ya seen thus far, Cause it just another day in the life of a goddamn boss...I'm a make it rain then I'm a make it back, You are just a lame lil homie that's a fact.

I think he would have respected me more if I would have respected myself, stood up to him, and echoed Rick Ross' message. Consider this a lesson learned.

Signed,

Timmy BOSS

Post B-Day Thoughts and Feelings

Hey gang, I was just sitting around the house thinking about how un-money (that's right, un-money, it's a word now. Look it up in Tim's dictionary of genius) my birthday was this year. It seems like my b-day always falls on a weekday and I don't get the full b-day experience. I feel cheated and un-used. That's why I've already started planning next year's bash. This will leave no doubt that my birthday will get the respect it deserves in 2010. 

So you are probably asking yourself, "What is Timmy's dream b-day?" Well, I'm glad you asked. I'd really like to get a bunch of my closest bro-bras and all take a trip to my favorite place in the whole wide world. No, it's not the beach on a sun drenched L.A. day. No, it's not the L.A. Coliseum when the mighty USC Trojans are dominating college football royalty such as the Washington State Cougars. 

It's actually a magical place on the east coast where few of you have probably been. It's easily the finest establishment in all of North America. It is a place where magic happens and where classy people go to find their soul mates and fall in love. This place is called... wait for it...

MERGE NIGHTCLUB in Seaside Heights, New Jersey. 

Merge is located on the Jersey shore and is easily the most exclusive nightclub east of the Mississippi. There is nothing better than dancing your pain away in the coolest club ever, to your favorite song of all-time ("Appreciate Me" by Amuka), and looking for love at the same time. There is no better place in the world to do so than Merge. The best nights of my life have come when I've visited there. The dancing, the girls, the cheese balls and steak sangwiches that are a short walk away. Where else would you rather be on Timmy's b-day in 2010? I'm already looking into renting a house for the weekend. There will be plenty of rooms and floor for everyone to stay.

So mark it down in your memory book for next year right now. Timmy's b-day bash at Merge/Best night of my life. Please come friends. And bring some ladies. Tell them to prepare for one night where truly anything is possible, dreams can come true, and a sort of zen-like awesomeness can be found. And tell them that uh... Timmy Sausage will be there.

Anxiously Awaiting 2010,

Timmy Sausage